


Home For Christmas

by BerenaBrokeMyHeart



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28325130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerenaBrokeMyHeart/pseuds/BerenaBrokeMyHeart
Summary: Just a wee fix-it fic, tenuous link to Christmas. I refuse to acknowledge the cheating so it didn't happen. Hope you enjoy!! Merry Christmas everyone ❤🌲🎅
Relationships: Serena Campbell & Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	Home For Christmas

To begin with Bernie hadn’t remembered who Serena was. Actually, to be begin with she hadn’t even remembered who she was. When she’d come round in the hospital bed, the flickering overhead light was searing into her eyeballs making her head pound. She had blinked rapidly trying to get her bearings, but it was quickly evident that she had no idea where she was. Or more importantly, who she was. The nurses and doctors had explained in broken English that she was a medic for the Army, and there had been an explosion at the field hospital where she’d been serving. That would certainly explain why every part of her ached. Try as she might, she just couldn’t remember anything. It was like the slate had been wiped cleaned, but she hadn’t asked for it to be.

Slowly she had built up her strength enough to be flown home. Wherever that was. She would continue her rehab regime of physiotherapy and cognitive retraining back in England.

They had managed to get in touch her kids, and at least she had more of an outline of who she’d been before the explosion. Cam and Lottie had tried their best to fill in the blanks, they had no end of photographs and anecdotes, and piece by piece she had started to remember. The kids had known not to overwhelm her with too much at once and she’d been thankful for it, because she didn’t like to admit it, but she got the most hideous headaches every time she tried to force her memory to return.

Strangely, it was being a trauma surgeon that she recalled most easily. The doctors said that was probably because she wasn’t as emotionally attached to those memories. It had frustrated her that she couldn’t remember ever getting married or being a mother, but from what her kids had told her, she’d be terrible in both roles, and perhaps it was a blessing that she didn’t remember just yet. Physically she was almost completely healed when she found out about Serena.

“Would you like to see Serena, Mum? We told her all about how you’d lost your memory, so there’s no pressure. She had thought you were dead. We all did... I think she’d like to see you.” Cam asks one day after her physio. She’d vowed to be better at spending time with them so they met up almost every day now if they could.

“Serena?” The blonde says the name as if she’s never heard it before. “Who’s that?” Both kids look disappointed then. Serena had been their mum’s one true love; her memory must be worse than they’d thought if she didn’t remember anything about Serena.

“You and she were together. Before...” Lottie isn’t sure she wants to give her mum any more details than that. She isn’t sure it’s really her place.

“Before what?” Bernie looks between the two of them.

“I think maybe it would be best if Serena tells you herself.” Lottie interjects.

“Alright. When does she want to see me?” Bernie thinks the more pieces of the puzzle she has, just might make her memory come back more quickly.

“How about tomorrow?” Cam tells her that Serena would be working but maybe if they visit their hospital, hers and Serena’s, and their ward and their office that it might jog his mum’s memory.

“I’ll be there.” Bernie promises with a bright smile.

* * *

Serena’s stomach had been churning all morning. She goes from happy to sad to anxious and back again several times. She was elated to see Bernie, and she is beyond relieved that the blonde had turned up very much alive. She knew about the amnesia, and that was the part she was having trouble with. What if Bernie didn’t recognise her at all? What if she did and she remembered all the awful things Serena had put her through? She isn’t sure which would be worse. Taking another steadying breath, she tries to tell herself that they’ll cross whatever bridges they need to when they get to them.

Bernie meets her kids at the entrance to the hospital and they walk with her to AAU. A lot of the staff come up to the blonde, some she remembers and some she doesn’t. She tries to picture herself working here, walking these corridors, using this lift. There are patches of memory attached to some of what she sees, but it’s all a bit blurry, so she’s not sure if they’re all true memories.

“Alright, Major?” Fletch salutes when her sees her step through the double doors to the ward.

Bernie freezes and glances between her kids’ faces with a blank expression: she doesn’t know who the man is. “I’m sorry, I don’t –” She flounders, grasping at her kids' clothes and trying not to hyperventilate. This was too much; her brain feels like it is swelling inside her skull. “I don’t know him. Why don’t I know him? He knows me!”

“Easy, Mum. It’s ok. You don’t have to remember everyone the first time.” Lottie hugs her close and apologises to Fletch with her eyes.

Serena hears the commotion out on the ward and goes to investigate. She's met with the sight of Bernie sobbing into her daughter’s shoulder and clearly having a panic attack. She doesn’t think before she rushes over. “Fletch, go get Ms Wolfe something warm and sugary to drink. Let’s get you into the office where there aren’t so many things going on.” Serena puts her arm around the blonde and guides them into said office. Bernie thinks this kind brunette smells like home for some reason. “Have a seat.” Serena leads her to the sofa by her desk. “Deep breaths for me.” She demonstrates and then nods when Bernie copies. “Hold it for three. Now, exhale. One, two, three. Good. Very good. Just keep doing that. You’re fine, we’re safe in here. Nothing bad can happen.” Serena has her chair pulled over to Bernie so close that their knees are touching, and she can hold the blonde’s hands in hers. She strokes her thumbs over Bernie’s knuckles in what she hopes is a soothing motion. Bernie can’t understand it, but for whatever reason she feels calmer just looking at the woman’s face. Serena sees the two kids at the open door and signals for them to come in and sit with their mother.

“It’s alright, Mum.” Cam and Lottie sit either side of her and hug her until she starts to breathe normally again.

Bernie takes the sugary tea that Fletch brings her with a nod of thanks. “I’m so sorry for causing all this fuss.” She looks small and so un-Bernie and Serena’s heart clenches. “I just... hang on... Fletch! Yes, I do, I remember you now.” Bernie smiles but then her face immediately falls. “You got stabbed.” She remembers it was all her fault.

Fletch sees the change come over the blonde. “All water under the bridge now. It’s good to see you, Bernie. I’m glad you’re on the mend.” He waves at them all and then goes back to work.

“I’d like to go home soon. I’m tired. Is Serena here?” Bernie looks hopefully at the three faces, noting that the brunette who’d helped her through the panic attack looks set to cry.

“Mum, this is Serena. Remember?” Cam prompts, but it’s obvious from Bernie’s expression that she had no clue who Serena is.

“Could you just excuse me?” Serena needs to get out of here. She runs all the way to the locker room, and presses the door shut with her back leaning up against it. A sob escapes her before she can stop it or check that she’s actually alone. Thankfully she is, as a torrent of tears flow. She staggers over to the bench and sits heavily, wracked with more sobbing.

She hears someone punching in the code to unlock the door and quickly wipes at her face to try and hide the fact that she’s been crying in earnest.

“Would you look at that! I remember the code.” Bernie grins triumphantly when the door swings open.

“That’s great, Bernie. Really.” Serena smiles wanly, still swiping at her eyes. She was pleased that the blonde’s memory was returning, but mostly she’s just so grateful to have her here alive and well.

“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.” Bernie comes to sit beside the brunette.

“You didn’t.” Serena reassures her. “It was just a bit of a shock not to be remembered. There once was a time when we meant everything to each other and now I’m no one. Although I probably deserve it.” Serena knows she’s said too much when Bernie’s face crinkles with confusion. “Just focus on taking each day at a time, there’s no rush to have all your memories back all at once.”

“Thank you.” Bernie says warmly and squeezes Serena’s hand.

“You’re very welcome.” Serena echoes Bernie’s own words back to her with a croaky half-sob, it feels like that was a lifetime ago.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really do wish I could remember you, Serena. I don’t know why, but when I look at you it feels like coming home.” She sighs as she says it, resting the side of her head against Serena’s.

For the moment, Serena supposes she can’t ask for more than that.

* * *

Bernie comes back to work on AAU once she’s completed all of her rehab, and been signed off by all the necessary doctors. She has regained most of her memories, except for those involving Serena. The brunette tries not to take that personally, and she’s just glad that they get to work together again, and that they might even be friends again.

Amongst her belongings Bernie had found her diary. There were so many entries for or about Serena, that she must have been important to Bernie once. If she could just remember. She was loving working with Serena and they were becoming close as friends, but she keeps wanting to force something more to emerge in her memory. It seems the harder she tries, the further away from the truth she gets.

When she sees Serena on the ward or in theatre or in their office, she does feel happier, lighter than she had since the explosion. Serena is a very flirty, tactile person and Bernie would ordinarily hate that, but with the brunette she doesn’t mind it as much, in fact she quite likes it. They are always heading to Albies at the end of shifts or grabbing a bite to eat at some little Italian restaurant, like they are now.

“Have I...” Bernie starts to ask. “...been here before? We've been here before, haven’t we?” Deep in the recesses of her memory she finds one of her and Serena at this same restaurant, the brunette three sheets to the wind from all the Shiraz. “You were drunk!” Bernie laughs, she can see it in her mind now.

“I would say tipsy, but yes. We have been here before.” Serena beams at the memory, more so because Bernie remembers it.

“And then I left you...” Bernie trails off as the rest of the memory plays out in her head. “That’s why we aren’t together anymore, because I ran away.” Bernie feels shame like a stone hanging on her heart.

“No, no, Bernie. You came back to me. That’s not why we broke up.” Serena knows there will never be a good time to bring this up. “It was my fault. I told you to go back to the Army.”

“Why would you do that? Weren’t we happy? Didn’t we love each other?”

“It wasn’t that. We were happy and we loved each other very much. But after I lost Elinor...” Serena’s voice breaks on the name and Bernie covers her hand in her own stroking it gently with the pad of her thumb. “I became someone I didn’t recognise; someone I really didn’t like. I’m not proud of it, but I pushed you away. I thought you’d be better off without me. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Thank you for telling me. I can’t imagine what it was like for you, losing a child. I’m just sorry I wasn’t enough to help you through it.” Bernie glances away and lets go of Serena’s hand.

“You were enough. I just wanted you to not have to be tied to me when I was so awful to you. You deserved better.” Serena wishes she could rewind time and fix it all, but she knows what’s done is done. “None of that matters now. I’m just so happy that you’re here and that we can be in each other’s lives again. However you’ll have me.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Bernie raises her glass to make the toast and clinks her glass against Serena’s.

* * *

It hits Serena particularly hard when Bernie starts dating again. She had held out hope, perhaps foolishly, that even if Bernie didn’t remember their relationship, that they might just organically fall for each other all over again. No such luck it seemed.

“She could still remember, come back to you.” Fleur pulls Serena’s attention away from Bernie and whatever her name was. “Don’t torture yourself. Why don’t we head on?”

“I guess I’m getting what I deserve for how badly I ruined everything between us.” Serena breathes deeply through her nose struggling not to get emotional when Bernie was only feet away with someone else.

“She doesn’t exactly look head over heels for this Lisa woman.” Fleur tries to comfort her friend. “They’ve only been going out for –”

“Two months, six days, eighteen hours and about...” Serena checks her watch. “...ten minutes.”

“But who’s counting?” Fleur nudges the taller brunette and tries to get her to focus on something other than her pain and jealousy.

Serena can’t stand to look anymore when Lisa’s hand tickles up Bernie’s bare arm and hooks behind her neck, pulling her in for a soft kiss. “I think I’ll go home.” Serena grabs her bag and coat before rushing outside.

Bernie sees Serena leave over Lisa’s shoulder and gasps when a sharp stabbing pain settles in between her ribs, piercing her heart. She really likes Lisa, but it doesn’t feel quite right when she kisses her. She doesn’t know why it hurts her so much to see Serena leg it from the bar, thinking that her flaunting this new relationship in front of her might be the reason she left. Maybe she shouldn’t bring Lisa to Albies again. In fact, she’s beginning to think she shouldn’t see Lisa anymore at all.

* * *

She knows it would be inappropriate to jump for joy when Bernie announces that she won’t be seeing Lisa again, that they have broken up. Still, hope bubbles inside her and although she tries to make all the sympathetic and commiserating noises any friend would, she could squeal with delight.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Serena asserts, wanting to scream _me, me, it’s me!_

“I guess you’re right. It wasn’t going to last; it didn’t feel the way it probably should when she touched me or kissed me. I was a bit uncomfortable with it all.” Bernie shrugs. _Plenty more fish in the sea_ and all that.

“You’ll know when it feels right.” Serena rubs her arm soothingly as Bernie perches herself on the edge of Serena’s desk.

“I hope so.” Bernie says and then cocks her head like a thought has just occurred to her. “I... hope... so... Icarus.”

“What?” Serena thinks she knows what Bernie’s remembering now.

“The pigeon on the roof. I thought you were...and I...” Bernie shakes her head; the first wave of a blinding headache starts in the base of her skull. “I’m just going to get some air.” She legs it off the ward with Serena chasing after her.

“Bernie, are you ok?!” Serena pushes the fire exit door open to follow her outside. She searches wildly for the blonde and then spots her on a bench in the peace garden. “May I?” She indicates the bench.

“It’s a public bench.” Serena supposes that’s as close to a ‘yes' as she’s likely to get.

“You remember the night I told you I was taking a sabbatical.” It’s not a question.

“I remember bits of it, but the overarching feeling is that I was never enough for you. I’m not enough and there’s nothing I can do to change that.” Bernie wipes away a tear and stands back up. “I should get back to the ward.”

“No, Bernie. Wait.” Serena grabs hold of her wrist, to keep her there.

“Serena, it’s no big deal. We’re nothing to each other now. Sounds like we hadn’t been long before I got myself blown up and lost my memory. I don’t remember who we were to each other, and you wanted to forget who we were to each other. I guess it’s worked out perfectly then.” She tugs out of the brunette’s hold and stalks back into the building.

* * *

Somehow they’d both ended up working the Christmas Eve shift and the atmosphere was tense to say the least. They had barely spoken beyond the professional since the peace garden, and Bernie didn’t know before now that it was possible to miss being with someone this much when you didn’t actually remember being with them. She is angrily rearranging her desk drawers when she spots it. There’s something wedged back there, stopping the bottom drawer from closing all the way. Pulling the drawer out and onto the floor, she can see what it is now. A small, square jewellery box.

Serena makes the blonde jump when she barges into the office after an argument on the ward. “Bloody agency nurses...” She looks up when she notices Bernie is there. Curiosity wins out over her desire to continue not speaking to blonde. “What’s that?” She points to the box.

“I don’t know. I found it in my drawer. I was just about to open it and find out when...” She sweeps her hand between Serena and the door. Then she flips open the lid to reveal what was clearly an engagement ring. “Why would I have this in my drawer?” She pulls the platinum band out of its cushion and inspects the ring, hoping it will spark a memory. It’s got a square-cut diamond in the centre, with two slightly smaller, similarly shaped diamonds either side.

“You and Alex got engaged when you went back to the RAMC. It’s probably hers.” Serena comes up with the obvious answer.

“Alex?” Bernie looks puzzled.

“Alex Dawson. You and she were –” Serena thinks the blonde doesn’t remember.

“I know who Alex is. But she and I were never engaged.” Bernie’s memory can still be patchy but she’s certain of this.

“But she was here, after you were declared MIA. She’s the one who told us you were dead. She told me that you two had rekindled things, gotten engaged, she was the love of your life.” Serena still gets a little jealous when she thinks about it.

“Serena, I’ve not seen Alex since she was here to break things off between us.” Bernie knows she’s right about this. “Whoever this is for, it’s not her.”

“I don’t understand. Who else could it possibly be for?”

“I don’t know.” Bernie wracks her brain but she cannot remember ever buying this ring. “I can’t remember. Dammit. Why can’t I remember something this important?” Bernie lifts the drawer and slams it back into the desk. She picks up the ring again, willing herself to just remember. Then she sees it. “It’s engraved here. Look. On the inside of the band.” She holds it up to the light and twists it until she can clearly see the inscription. “For eternity.”

Serena can’t stand up once she hears that, she collapses onto the sofa by the door. There was suddenly no air in the room and she’s vaguely aware that she might be sweating a little. She can only see the blonde’s outline as her vision goes hazy and she fears she may black out.

Bernie sees it all now, like a film reel of all the missing scenes of hers and Serena’s relationship. She’d come back for Serena; she was going to stay here and work in the ED. She had planned to propose, but then Serena didn’t want her anymore. She'd been so devastated that she’d left the ring where she’d hidden it here in the drawer. She’d figured she wouldn’t need it and she’d hardly be back to ever retrieve it. “It’s yours. I bought it to give to you.”

Serena nods numbly, having come to the same obvious conclusion. She remembers when Bernie had told her she would wait for eternity for her. She only realises she’s crying when she touches her own face and her fingers come away wet. “And I ruined it. Threw away the best thing that ever happened to me.” She laughs harshly and stands to go to the locker room to change out of her scrubs.

“Marry me.”

“What?” She almost gives herself whiplash when her head snaps round to look at Bernie. _Why is she down on one knee?_

“Serena, will you marry me?” Bernie repeats, holding the ring out towards the brunette. “I remember now. The good bits. The bad bits. None of that’s important, because what I remember more than anything else is how much I loved you when I bought this ring. I remember how excited and happy I’d been waiting to give it to you, to spend the rest of our lives together. All I care about remembering is that I love you. Will you marry –”

Serena is down on her knees right opposite her now, and she covers Bernie’s mouth with her own in the deepest kiss she can muster. It’s as amazing as she remembers, kissing Bernie, and it’s also a million times more amazing. She has missed this. Missed Bernie terribly. She breaks the kiss with a huge smile. “That’s a ‘yes' by the way.”

“Really?” Bernie looks stunned but incredibly happy.

“The easiest ‘yes’ I’ve ever given.” Serena pulls her in for another kiss. Now that she was allowed to do this again, she never wants to stop.

“Could we maybe stand up to finish this? My back is killing me.” She is smiling when she says it though.

“Let’s go back to mine. We can celebrate properly.” Serena’s meaning is clear by the look in her eye and she grins when Bernie easily agrees.

* * *

“I did not remember how good that was.” Bernie lies naked and sated beside Serena in the brunette’s plush king-sized bed. It’s well past midnight now, so it’s officially Christmas Day.

Serena hums her own appreciation. “You remembered how to be bloody good at it though.” She curls herself around the blonde’s body, she would never let her go again. “And I’ll have no complaints if you want me to refresh your memory more than once.” Serena kisses her with renewed passion.

“I’d say I could be persuaded.” Bernie teases, pinching the brunette’s side playfully. “Merry Christmas, Serena.”

“Merry Christmas, Bernie.” Serena reaches for her again and smiles as she shifts herself to straddle Bernie’s hips. “I love you.” She watches fondly as Bernie lifts her left hand and kisses the palm, running her finger over the ring on the brunette’s ring finger.

“I love you too. I’m glad we found our way back to each other.” Bernie traces Serena’s curves with her fingertips, and then a thought strikes her. “Does kissing me still taste like chocolate and honeycomb?”

“Only one way to be sure.” Serena smiles into another heated kiss, knowing full well where it will lead to.


End file.
